The Danah Soars

It’s true what they say, your threshold for shame and negativity increases as you age. I believe it to be a good thing. As each year passes, I find myself more confident in my body, knowing what it can do for me, and how I can embrace and own it more as I evolve in my womanhood. The occasional fat jokes and body shaming seem to sting less and less as these words fade when I remind myself of who I am, what I can do, and what I have so far offered the world. I’m not saying my body love journey has been smooth sailing, all I’m saying is, it’s gotten a lot simpler, maybe even easier. Life is full of seasons, and as I near into my 30s, I can honestly say there’s a creeping sense of deeper self-awareness and confidence in me.

Speaking of seasons, I’m well-aware that summer is one of the most dreaded times for some of us girls. There’s just so much pressure to have the “summer bod” or the “beach ready body” that should perfectly sport a bikini. I used to torture my body with crash diets because of this annual weight (pun intended) we put on ourselves, but not anymore. Acknowledging the fact that my body is more than to be looked at helps me put things into perspective. It is an instrument, not an ornament (as stated by beautyredefined.org).

Here are some of my top personal principles when it comes to enjoying the summertime with your family and friends, and more importantly, yourself.

1. Move. Do an activity that sparks joy. It can be as simple as dancing in your undies in your bedroom for 15 minutes a day, or jogging with your bestie for cardio thrice a week, just make sure your workout regimen is sustainable and enjoyable for you. It doesn’t have to be rigid, at least not for me. What matters is you move with your body and acquaint yourself with its limitations and strengths, and progress from that.

2. Check on your internal dialogue. How do you talk to yourself? How do you address yourself when you stumble or make a mistake? You’re with you 24/7. How you speak to yourself matters, because your biggest critic is you, and that can either make you or break you. Have reminders ready for the occasional dark days. Mine would be:

You are loved.
You are enough.
You have the capacity to empower and give.

3. Look good for you. It’s 2019, women are now taking ownership of their beauty and presenting themselves powerfully through makeup and fashion. The idea that you have to look beautiful to snag a guy is so passé. Put on that red lipstick even if you’re just heading out for errands. Dress up and have dinner on a regular weeknight. It’s not about who sees you, it’s about how you feel about you. Look cute, girl! Do it for you.

4. Sunbathe with your bestie! Nothing beats getting some good ol’ vitamin D with your favorite person to raise those endorphin levels. Sunshine has natural powers to make those happy hormones spike, and there’s no better person to share the happy juju with than your bestie! Get those tanning oils and fix yourself a drink, it’s so relaxing and fun. Also, you know you take the best angles of each other, so ready those poolside poses!

(taken by my bestie, @imloubutt)

5. Invest in good summer clothes that you’re comfortable in. Don’t force it if you aren’t comfy, it’ll show. You want to be cool as a cucumber in this hot weather! Fortunately, more and more brands are now coming out with fashionable plus size clothes (locally, I’m so glad that SM Woman now carries plus size, being the biggest local brand to cater to curvy girls like me)! This Women’s Month, The SM Store is offering 10% discount for every P 3,000 worth of purchase on all Wednesdays of March. Sounds exciting, yes? Look for styles that best suit and flatter your body shape to make sure you’re extra on fleek for the summer.

Remember, body love and confidence flows from the inside out. Own that body and enjoy living in it all year round!

—D

Written by Danah Gutierrez

Dear Present Danah,

This is your future self knocking some sense into you. You have a come a long way from engaging with him. Remember the emotional rollercoaster he put you through? The haunting memories that took up too much headspace? Remember how you wept as you prayed to forget? Remember the sick yet satisfying feeling that he’s watching over you as your days went by?

It’s been months since you disengaged and the memories are now faint, but he’s back in your radar. It’s almost paralysing, because you enjoy the attention and he makes you feel desired, but at what cost? He only desires you as a sex object, his masturbatory aid. He isn’t your friend. He may keep saying so, but he just won't see nor treat you as one.

Friends don’t fuck. Friends don’t lead each other on. Friends don't crumb the other. Friends don’t message each other at midnight reminiscing how good the sex was, or what they’d do to each other when they get the chance to be left alone. Friends don’t give vague, pathetic answers when you set a date to hang out. They don’t make the other hope for something that isn’t happening. Friends don’t do that.

Stop it, he brings out the wild, thoughtless fool in you. You bring out the overgrown fuckboy in him. There is nothing romantic about it. You have to see it for what it is: a booty call. You’re just another option. He sees you as a toy he can pick up when he’s bored only to leave you back on the floor when he’s done with you. That’s the ugly truth.

You are NO LONGER TO ENGAGE WITH HIM OR REPLY TO HIS MESSAGES. THAT’S THE BEST REVENGE: INDIFFERENCE.

He’s a man from your past—your messy, dirty past. Up until now, that’s still how he sees you. Can’t you recognize how he resurrects the cheap, dirty version of yourself every time he engages? How he effortlessly resurrects 22-year old Danah back? How he can easily make you do things you’ve already sworn off? He doesn’t see you for the woman that you presently are. He’s a call from your past, and you don’t have to pick up the phone anymore. Not anymore.

BLOCK HIM. He doesn’t deserve to see the life you’re building for yourself. He doesn’t get that privilege. He can’t even say he wants you around, he had to use 2 negatives to get his message across.

“I don’t know what I want, but I do know I DON’T want to NOT have you around.”

Translation: I don’t want you, but I don’t want you gone either.

Further translation: Be on standby as my doormat, my plaything.

FUCKING ROMANTIC. WOW. BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH.

You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You can’t keep allowing him to manipulate you this way. You’re always too eager to respond, hoping that he sees your maturity and character and endearing quirks, but he won’t. He just won’t. No matter how much you try to talk about your growth or beliefs, he will NOT go that deep with you. You know you can’t pull the bait and switch on this. It’s a train wreck waiting to happen. You can’t use sex to gain interest. C’mon, Danah. You already know this. You don’t have to try to convince anyone to see your awesomeness. You don’t have to sell yourself short this way.

You are onto bigger and better things. You have to fully shut the door on the past. Shut it close. Turn the key and throw away the lock. Nail planks around it. You’re just an ego boost to his old, decaying ~~man~~boyhood. You’re young, accomplished, and you being intoxicated by him feeds his hungry pride. You don’t have to participate in this savage cycle. You can choose yourself.

Forgive yourself. Grieve for the woman in you that allowed this to happen; for putting up with it, even when in your core you wanted to shut it down. Understand that you have a need for intimacy, but you can't keep running to its sabotaging counterfeits. Know that you can pick up the pieces and learn from your mistakes. Just because you went there doesn't mean you have to stay there. You can change your mind. There's an unforgettable lesson about rediscovering your value and worth at this point in your life. Dust yourself off. It's time to get back up again.

Remember, being self-ish means making choices that won’t hurt you in the time to come, it’s taking care of yourself, something that your future self will thank you for.

I see your value. Don’t let me down. I’m counting on you.

I love you,

—Future Danah

Written by Danah Gutierrez

This podcast (Theocast) has definitely given so much clarity. It almost felt like these 4 men started huffing and puffing the smoke that clouded and filled my mind about this perspective on sanctification. Watch their video below, but I've already transcribed the best of the best parts.

Note: It plays at 8:15 where the actual discussion begins. You're welcome. 😎

TRANSCRIPTION (skipped some parts, edits mine)—

BRYON: It's the victorious Christian life phenomenon. It's pervasive. It contaminates everything. You might be wondering, "Shouldn't that how the Christian life should progress and how it should go?" If you begin to think about that concept—the progressive improvement, upward and onward, gaining victory as we go in reality—you begin to realize that the major issue with it is that it contradicts reality. It's opposed to the common experience of the basic human being when it's spiritualized and brought into the Christian world. It really is opposed to reality. On top of that, when people's lives don't go that way, they think they're doing something wrong; that the formula's wrong. They're not working hard enough. So that's where that pressure comes from. You feel that pressure, you walk in the church, you immediately look around and you say, laterally, "I'm not as good as this person, or that person, I really need to get on with it." The messages are driven that way, towards progress and improvement. "Here's how you can do it, you can be better than you were yesterday, always be improving." In its extreme form, this is "name it, claim it" charismatic theology. Of course we reject that, and it's easy to reject that, but it's hard to see it in the common place.

Triumphalism is that thing you feel but can't put your finger on when you walk into a place and all the doctrine is right, the pastor is biblical, their programs are solid, they're conservative, but there's just this kind of pressure on you. Triumphalism is just this constant pressure to improve. I even think, obviously, it's infected our understanding on what sanctification should look like.

JON: It's also confusing when you actually see it work, and it's successful. In your mind, "I am better, and I have improved, and I am a better person. I'm happy. I have stopped this sin, and I am now doing this habit, and I'm giving all the credit to the church, and the teaching of the church, and discipleship." Discipleship is driven by triumphalism. "I'm going to train you to become a better you." That's what discipleship is. A lot of times, people don't know what we're talking about when we point this out. The problem is that you can do this in a lot of ways. Other religions can do this as well, this idea that you can slowly progress yourself through religion to get better, it's just a matter of time and effort. I think because there have been results, people go, "Well it works, you're just not working it right."

RYAN: Well, I think what happens in most of the situations is and individual comes in, and it doesn't work at times, but what works is common sense, not some super spiritual reality that a pastor or spiritual leaders give. Most of the time, when triumphalism is preached, they're giving common sense, general wisdom type points. It's like, "Hey, if you want to have a better life, quit being a jerk. Have some discipline. Go to bed early. Hydrate." But individuals in the church, it's very easy to blame common sense for spiritual reality, but it's just that, it's common sense. And so my thought is, I can look at non-spiritual entities that have changed people. AA. CrossFit. Golf. But these individuals assume, that must be a God-thing when in reality, maybe it's not a God-thing. Maybe it's just a common "You-became-a-better-creature-'cos-you-had-some-discipline [thing]."

BRYON: When you diagnose something at this level, when you objectify it and define it, and you can point, "Well that is this." The moment you do that, you can make these sort of distinctions. So we know that triumphalism transcends the Christian world and the human realm. It applies to both, so you can find triumphalism in the basic American home. It's our consumer-driven market, successful, The American Dream manifest-destiny... and all that's fine. Go get it. I'm not objecting to that reality. But what you're saying is, what Christianity is, "Just spiritualize that reality." It co-opted this "improve yourself, pull yourself up, go get better" and it moved it and morphed it over in the Christian world. So the goals in our market-consumer driven world and the Christian world are basically the same. The end results are different, but the trajectory of life are kinda' viewed the same.

Basically, what we're arguing is, on the whole, we should be progressing. But not in the way that it's been described for us within the pietism of American evangelicalism.

Here's another good example in our own context. Triumphalism is all about the how-to. So if you come in on a Sunday morning, what you're expecting to hear is: "This is how you..." and then fill in the blank. What end up happening in our church was, we went completely away from that, unless it was driven in the text. I mean there are parts in the text that literally says, "This is how you do something." But the majority of the text is pointing out, towards an individual, which is Christ. So we transitioned that, and people were coming, and their entire life has been triumphalism, which is, "I was here, and now I'm there, and you're not giving me ways to do that anymore. You're ripping that out of my hands, you are not prepping me to be successful! I need the motivation, and you're not giving it to me." But we were giving them, "You need to progress, just not in the way you're thinking. It's in your faith, not in your triumphalistic understanding of becoming a better American."

RYAN: What happened in Christianity, in history, to cause triumphalism? Because at one point it wasn't part of the church, then at one point it was. Something had to happen.

BRYON: Ministry changed because ministry had to adapt to this frontier, to the manifest destiny, to the progress of the American spirit, to the individual. It began to present a message that catered to that reality, and it got absorbed. Religion became very individualized, religion became very privatized, it became primarily about internal spiritual realities, and it co-opted that whole sense of progress and movement and improvement moving along.

BRYON: Christ's presence in our life guarantees an improved existence of experience in whatever category of evangelical that you fit; there's a progress. So if it's defeating sin, there's a progress in that. If it's becoming enlightened, there's a progress in that. If it's being successful, there's a progress in that. If it's having purpose, there's a progress in that. Everything moves from Point A to Point B. It's always movement upward, there's always an upward trajectory in that—THAT'S THE THEOLOGY OF GLORY. Luther, who was facing that in the Medieval world as it concerned a mechanistic, moralistic form of redemption—works based redemption—said THAT'S RIDICULOUS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FACE REALITY. Luther said the theology of the cross is basically a reality which is—LOOK AT THE CROSS. How did God accomplish what God accomplished? THROUGH FAILURE. THROUGH WEAKNESS. THROUGH POWERLESSNESS. And in that, you see the contrast between how man views things and how man would say things need to be done and how things are actually done. And so the cross becomes the baseline of reality. That our experience will be similar to that. If the cross is the clearest revelation of God's power and how He works, He works through failure, through weakness, and we can expect that to be our experience. So the theology of glory is: YOU'RE GONNA GET BETTER. The theology of the cross is: YOU'RE GONNA STRUGGLE, LOOK TO CHRIST.

RYAN: Okay, so what does improve in the Christian life? Paul says you aren't babies, you shouldn't be here, there is this language of growth. "Grow in the knowledge of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ." So what does grow?

Well, I think the problem is we're immediately fixed with perception of perfectionism in that equation. I can only tell you it's not gonna get as good as you think it's going to get. It's not gonna be as better as progressively as you think. That's the theology of the cross. There's hardship. There's pain. There's difficulty. All aspects of our lives improved in Christ, there's no question about that. But it's not a competition. That's my point. Sanctification in itself is individual and variable. It's inevitable, individual, and variable. It happens in different ways. People are in different places, and if we follow triumphalism, what happens is that the standard becomes the best person among us. And the theology of the cross does not look at that that way because there is no best person among us. Because the best person among us, his or her works are as filthy rags. So that question in on itself is infected with this idea that "I can look around me and find somebody who's where I need to be, and they become the standard for who I want to be." And it inevitably leads to legalism. So my point is, you're comparing yourself to the righteousness of Christ, you're comparing yourself to the obedience of Christ. That's the standard, it's impossible. You have to rest in the righteousness of Christ. And you have to imbibe the reality that God is good with you through Christ and you wrestle in your space, you struggle in your space, it's not a competition. It's very similar to Keeping Up With The Joneses, I think that's our view of sanctification.

Just back to the verses that John quoted—the majority of those verses, like "You should have meat and not milk, you should know the Lord in these moments," the majority of them are not focused on doing. It's knowing. In our Christian life, we jump to the do. Here's what I need to do, do, do, do, do. Instead of here's what I need to know. I wanna increase my knowledge in Christ. Jesus wasn't immediately making the jump to "and so therefore you will go to the temple more, and pray more, be better, love your neighbor more." Those things happen, but it's a knowledge-based, "I want you to grow in the knowledge of the Lord so that in the misery of life, when you take those steps backwards, when you encounter those issues, when you go through trials, you will know better, you will trust better. Because we have been implanted with the idea of progressive sanctification—where people come in, students grow up, adults get saved—because progressive sanctification is the measuring stick that individuals judge their life by, it's all do. No one ever judges their life by how has your knowledge of the gospel increased as you read the bible. How has your knowledge of the word faithfulness increase as you fallen into sin and stupidity and misery? How has your knowledge of the Lord increase as you've gone through trials? We don't ever stop and consider that.

What knocks triumphalism down is you should care more about what you know, than what you do.

Someone will struggle with lust their entire life. That's not gonna go away. It's not to a point of "Take 2 of Jesus and you'll be better in the morning, and you'll never have that again." But it's, "The more I trust in Christ, I'll have the ability to deal with this." Not to the victorious or triumphant Christian life where, "Oh, now it's gone!" Because if that's the case, in my opinion, the man that is most successful in the Christian life never describes himself being that successful. Paul, right? He's like, "Man, the things I wanna do I don't do, the things I don't want to do, I'm doing those." And when he does point to himself, he says, "Hey follow me!" And what does he point to? His faith in Christ as he looks to Christ.

We're such binary thinkers that it's an "either or" category. There's no room for tension here, and that's what triumphalism results in. You're either moving or you're not. You're either moving forward, or going backwards. But theology of the cross says, "Actually, sometimes, when you're going backwards the fastest and the farthest, God is actually moving you forward far more than you would ever believe because that's how God works."

RYAN: The only thing that triumphs in the end is faith. Surely in the end, when you walk into heaven and you talk to Peter as he's at the gates of heaven and that whole thing, the only thing that's only going to matter at that moment is: what is your faith in and who is your faith in, and that it Christ. And yet faith is left at the beginning of the Christian life as that thing that gets you in and the victory, the finish line, is placed ahead of you. But the finish line is faith. That is where you end, that is where the victory comes from, that is the triumph—there is faith in Somebody else. We've obscured that and pushed the bar and made it so that first place is pick the best person you know, "If I can reach them at the end of my life, I'm good to go."

JON: I'm saying this for someone new. You're thinking in your brain, "Yeah Ryan, but James says faith without works is dead. So no, there has to be works." FALSE DILEMMA. We believe in that you should repent of your sins, fight against the flesh and you should help brothers and sisters who are struggling. Church discipline is for that person. It's to help them, not to hurt them. We're not trying to protect the church from the sinner, we're tying to protect the sinner from the church. We need to help you see your need for Christ here. What we're saying is it's gonna flopped and it's out of proportion. It has become THE point, and we're saying, no, the point is faith in Christ. If you're listening, and you hold this perspective, will you please send me some verses where it is very obvious where there are measurement points that you can reach. Because even in, let's say, the elder rule in becoming an elder, those are so baseline that you can't even really put a line on them. Some of them are basic, like, "Hey look, he's gotta have integrity. He's gotta have one wife at a time." If you could tell me, "If you start here, and you're 10 years old. By the time you're 50, this is where you need to be." If you can honestly point the bible verse and tell me where that is, we might be reading from different bibles.

BRYON: So two practical outworkings of this which are negative—the first one is, this is why we run over people who fail, and we reject people who are weak, and we ignore people who struggle, and we dismiss people who can't contribute in great ways. This is why "Go get a vision and change the world" is so ridiculous when applied across the board. There are some people who can live that way and do that, but not everybody can do that. If there's a person who's weak in the church and they struggle with sin, and addiction, and attitude, they're kind of just not healthy, or they struggle with depression or mental struggle—somewhere along those lines—the church dismisses them. Because they're not achieving the goal. They don't know how to work the system. Theology of the cross says, "God's probably doing more in their life than anybody who's working harder than you can imagine." John Owen said that when you're out there looking at another person who's like killing it, probably God's doing more in your life than his. That's the first effect, we run over people. Our value system shifts.

The second thing is—people who can't benefit from Christ, they just can't rest and benefit from Christ, it feels unnatural. I don't what to do with nothing to do. That's what happens to people who step out of that triumphalistic, pietistic world into the confessional world where you go from running to resting. And those are really the only constructs that you have offered to you. You either run for the approval, or you rest in the approval. You can feel this in the church, cos when you come into a context where there's not a gigantic list of things to do, ways to help, ways to improve, how to be better, how to achieve, how to overcome, how to be victorious when it's not just raining down on you all the time, you crawl out of your skin. Spiritually speaking, biblically speaking, we don't know what to do with nothing to do. We have to have something to do. There has to be something to achieve. I have to be better. We have to do great things. We have to conquer. It has to be bright and shiny, that's how we evaluate church.

Written by Danah Gutierrez

Hi! I'm Danah.

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