Dear Present Danah, 

This is your future self knocking some sense into you. You have a come a long way from engaging with him. Remember the emotional rollercoaster he put you through? The haunting memories that took up too much headspace? Remember how you wept as you prayed to forget? Remember the sick yet satisfying feeling that he’s watching over you as your days went by? 

It’s been months since you disengaged and the memories are now faint, but he’s back in your radar. It’s almost paralysing, because you enjoy the attention and he makes you feel desired, but at what cost? He only desires you as a sex object, his masturbatory aid. He isn’t your friend. He may keep saying so, but he just won't see nor treat you as one. 

Friends don’t fuck. Friends don’t lead each other on. Friends don't crumb the other. Friends don’t message each other at midnight reminiscing how good the sex was, or what they’d do to each other when they get the chance to be left alone. Friends don’t give vague, pathetic answers when you set a date to hang out. They don’t make the other hope for something that isn’t happening. Friends don’t do that.

Stop it, he brings out the wild, thoughtless fool in you. You bring out the overgrown fuckboy in him. There is nothing romantic about it. You have to see it for what it is: a booty call. You’re just another option. He sees you as a toy he can pick up when he’s bored only to leave you back on the floor when he’s done with you. That’s the ugly truth.

You are NO LONGER TO ENGAGE WITH HIM OR REPLY TO HIS MESSAGES. THAT’S THE BEST REVENGE: INDIFFERENCE.

He’s a man from your past—your messy, dirty past. Up until now, that’s still how he sees you. Can’t you recognize how he resurrects the cheap, dirty version of yourself every time he engages? How he effortlessly resurrects 22-year old Danah back? How he can easily make you do things you’ve already sworn off? He doesn’t see you for the woman that you presently are. He’s a call from your past, and you don’t have to pick up the phone anymore. Not anymore.

BLOCK HIM. He doesn’t deserve to see the life you’re building for yourself. He doesn’t get that privilege. He can’t even say he wants you around, he had to use 2 negatives to get his message across. 

“I don’t know what I want, but I do know I DON’T want to NOT have you around.” 

Translation: I don’t want you, but I don’t want you gone either. 

Further translation: Be on standby as my doormat, my plaything. 

FUCKING ROMANTIC. WOW. BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH.

You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You can’t keep allowing him to manipulate you this way. You’re always too eager to respond, hoping that he sees your maturity and character and endearing quirks, but he won’t. He just won’t. No matter how much you try to talk about your growth or beliefs, he will NOT go that deep with you. You know you can’t pull the bait and switch on this. It’s a train wreck waiting to happen. You can’t use sex to gain interest. C’mon, Danah. You already know this. You don’t have to try to convince anyone to see your awesomeness. You don’t have to sell yourself short this way. 

You are onto bigger and better things. You have to fully shut the door on the past. Shut it close. Turn the key and throw away the lock. Nail planks around it. You’re just an ego boost to his old, decaying manboyhood. You’re young, accomplished, and you being intoxicated by him feeds his hungry pride. You don’t have to participate in this savage cycle. You can choose yourself.

Forgive yourself. Grieve for the woman in you that allowed this to happen; for putting up with it, even when in your core you wanted to shut it down. Understand that you have a need for intimacy, but you can't keep running to its sabotaging counterfeits. Know that you can pick up the pieces and learn from your mistakes. Just because you went there doesn't mean you have to stay there. You can change your mind. There's an unforgettable lesson about rediscovering your value and worth at this point in your life. Dust yourself off. It's time to get back up again.

Remember, being self-ish means making choices that won’t hurt you in the time to come, it’s taking care of yourself, something that your future self will thank you for. 

I see your value. Don’t let me down. I’m counting on you.

I love you, 

—Future Danah