Wasted Womanhood
As I laid in the quiet and comfort of my bed while waiting for sleep to come, I can't help but remember a conversation I had with my friend's uncle, several years ago.
I visited my friend's home for dinner with her family. I've known her since I was 7, so they were very fond of me. I was ranting about my singlehood and how frustrating it was to find a boyfriend here in Manila, when his uncle, the tough-lover that he is, gave me a much-needed tongue-lashing.
"Puro ka reklamo sa pagiging single mo, lumabas ka kaya ng bahay! Tumulong ka! Ang bata bata mo pa, puro 'yan iniisip mo! Mag-serve ka sa sa PGH! O kaya sa DSWD! Ang babaw babaw ng problema mo, palawakin mo kaya mundo mo." ("You keep complaining about your singlehood, why don't you get out of your bubble! Help others! You're too young to be consumed by this! Serve in the public hospital, or help as a social worker! This is too shallow of a problem; why don't you expand your life?")
I shrugged it off with laughter and jokes back then, but looking at where and who I am now, I couldn't agree more. I feel like his very words are something I would say to any woman who feels stressed and drained trying to change her relationship status.
I look at my life now and the things God has empowered me to do. I definitely am certain that this is how singlehood is ought to be—my skills and talents are maximized, my priorities are changing and improving, and my time is spent on things that better me as an individual. My views on having a significant other has exponentially matured. I now desire to have purpose and clarity in a relationship. I no longer subscribe to the idea that dating is a hobby and a way to pass time.
My womanhood and singlehood have value; I now acknowledge that. I wasted my womanhood for years, believing the great lie that my qualities to nurture and create are only meant to be channeled in the confines of a relationship. Today, more and more young women are being deceived into thinking that we are to mope around, prettify ourselves and peacock our way to a so-called "happy and full life," which is mostly about snagging a man (unfortunately, more often than not, we snag boys). I refuse to believe that my be-all-end-all as a woman is to attract boys, and to relationship-hop until I "find the one" to marry.
NO. FRIGGIN'. WAY.
NOT ANYMORE.
I am not belittling my desires for romance. I know for a fact that the pang of loneliness is real and true. However, I will not let an emotion take over my entire womanhood; I will not let it cast its shadow over my flame and kill it. Singlehood is a season to discover the woman I was designed and destined to be, and to make beautiful things in this dying, shrivelling garden we call our world.
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| all photos by Dianna Capco |
"So, it’s more than me saying, 'Hey, get over your singleness.' It’s me celebrating those not sitting around on Valentine’s Day wanting to be taken out for a movie, but having their lives wrung out in making disciples, for their own joy. They are still desiring marriage, and desiring a spouse, but they are not sitting on their hands until they get one."
Never did I imagine that life could be this breathtaking, rich, and satisfying. Once we stop looking at the area of "lack" in our lives, we notice the many marvelous things we have been blessed with all along. We are called to supply the insufficiencies in other people's lives with our God-given strengths, instead of us complaining and whining about our own. The prerequisite of giving is not wealthiness, it is willingness.
There is a womanhood template society pushes on us. There is an agenda why our dreams and goals are being reduced to merely increasing our level of "hotness," or Instagram likes, or that badge of being a certified "bae." They know that we are far more powerful than the shells we are encased in, so they make it seem that looking good and being desired are the ultimate goals we have to keep chasing and achieve. What a sad fabrication. My womanhood has never been so heavenly until I've stopped allowing the world to define it for me.
There is a womanhood template society pushes on us. There is an agenda why our dreams and goals are being reduced to merely increasing our level of "hotness," or Instagram likes, or that badge of being a certified "bae." They know that we are far more powerful than the shells we are encased in, so they make it seem that looking good and being desired are the ultimate goals we have to keep chasing and achieve. What a sad fabrication. My womanhood has never been so heavenly until I've stopped allowing the world to define it for me.
If you have believed the lie that life only begins at the birth of romance, please, consider my plea. YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are destined for greatness. You are daughter of the King. You are royalty and you have the power to create and impact society with your unique talents and gifts. Sharpen them. Use them. Do not allow a relationship status to define who you are. You are far more than that. You are worth the pursuit. For now, get up, put on your crown, and do amazing things. Surely, the world will be a much more beautiful place with your contributions in it.
Time to reclaim and own your womanhood, besh.
—D
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dikacheapteh
soul
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