4 Months Without Porn

I wrote about my struggle with porn here, so before you read this, you may want to check it out.

4 MONTHS CLEAN, YO!!! I decided to quit porn for a lot of reasons. Some may assume that I only quit because it's against my "religion," or because it's the "right" thing to do. Although these aren't necessarily bad assumptions, I still have to clarify—no, I am not religious. Religion is something that Jesus abolished. I do acknowledge that I have a personal relationship with Him. Secondly, it goes way beyond than "being right" or "being good." I am not for blindly following or quitting something. I need to know the whys.

My decision and commitment to cut off porn from my life is because my consumption addiction has taken a severe toll on my mind, body, and spirit. I'll be sharing with you some of the changes I noticed in the short span I've let go of watching adult films.

1. Clean mind/cleaner thought life. When I watched porn on a daily basis, my mind became an adult film studio; it produced movies on its own. It had the capacity to imagine people having sex. Some of them would be people I know. It was just so easy for me to fantasize and play out lewd scenarios in my head. I didn't even have to wilfully do it; it just happens. It often creeps on my back and totally catches me off guard. I've had so many inappropriate thoughts at the worst possible time, and it affected my sanity to a certain degree. My mind was constantly battling out whether I play XXX scenes or concentrate on the work I'm supposed to do. It's a darn wrestling mental match before, but now, even when I am tempted to recall the pornographic clips I've seen, my mind has a hard time doing so (yay!).

2. Social skills improved. I always felt disconnected after masturbating and/or watching porn, like I didn't want to see people after. There was shame and disgust, but of course, after feeding the monster of lust for years, I eventually became calloused, despite the disconnectedness still being there. My addiction has even pushed me to stay at home and binge all day at certain times, canceling out social gatherings and meetings. Off porn, I've noticed it was easier for me to push through with my social plans and develop real, human connection and relationships. The feelings of hypocrisy and shame has greatly dropped.

3. More time. Obviously, I spent a lot of time online to consume porn, and cutting it off has given me extra hours in the day (and better sleep, too).

4. Deeper relationship with God. This addiction is probably one of my favorite sins. I coddled it, fed it, and nourished it, until it had the power to grip me by the neck and puppet my behavior. When I chose to finally let it go and handed it to God, my intimacy with Jesus has improved dramatically. I do not go over the cycle of guilt-shame-binge anymore. I experience God's victory, and His grace in action. Again, I still stumble with my masturbation, but it's no longer an act I intentionally engage in. It's a 14-year habit, but by God's faithfulness, the number of times I've done it ever since my commitment to sobriety has exponentially decreased. I am determined to stop my masturbation, too. No excuses. Cutting porn off is one chain unlinked from my slavery to the flesh. It's like how a marriage heals when a womanizing husband commits to faithfulness and restoration.

5. Better connection with my humanity. My mind was just utterly dirty with porn. GUTTER BRAIN. It permeated the way I talked, too—my humor, topics of discussion, you catch my drift. Porn is NOT something that stays in the mind and disappears after a few minutes. It lingers. It stays. Sadly, it chokes the humanity of those who keep consuming it. There is definitely something sinister that brews in our hearts when we support an industry that devalues, degrades, and abuses individuals, especially women. To be against rape and and trafficking while consuming porn is an oxymoron. More than half of all porn material has abusive themes to it, and some women are trafficked and drugged before filming. Porn is filmed prostitution, and to feed the demand allows them to create more supply.

Sex is powerful and sacred, it is one of the most beautiful things God has gifted humans with. But the moment we trample on it and treat is as nothing but a carnal deed, I believe something humane in us dies. I have seen the some of the most disgusting and devaluing porn, and I totally felt the animalistic side of me magnified. I was so used to playing sexual scenes in my head, it was so easy for me to objectify both males and females alike. It was sick, and I knew that I had to quit because my thought-life was getting more and more disturbing as each day passes. Quitting porn has allowed me to develop brotherly admiration towards boys I'm attracted to, and despite it being a struggle, it's much more easier for me to see them in that light. My malice with heterosexual friendships has tremendously lessened, and I thank God that I can now enjoy the company of men with a controlled thought-life.

6. Realistic & truthful views on sex. Porn cheapens the power and meaning of sex. Sex in porn isn't about sensuality, it's about total male domination. It's about what makes the man climax. It doesn't caress, hug, or kiss with care and concern; it all boils down to the money shot: penetration. Now that I'm off it, my definition of sex is no longer just a pleasure-play thing you can do with strangers, or a titillating show to ogle at. It has value, and a very precious one at that. As Timothy Keller states,

Porn is destructive because sex is like money, and porn is the massive devaluation of the currency. Sex inside of a committed marriage is magic. It's like blowing on the coals of this incredible, beautiful, and powerful flame. Sex outside of marriage is just a way of not giving yourself, but of receiving fulfilment and pleasure. Like all addictions, the more you do it, the less pay off there is. It becomes less and less and less powerful and less pleasurable. Whereas sex inside marriage, where you're not so much taking as giving. I can just say personally, after years and years and years of doing this with my wife, with one woman, it becomes sweeter and more pleasurable and more powerful and more transforming as the years go by, even when neither of you look as good as you did before. And in some ways, what a lot of people think that have to be there in sex aren't there when you're in your 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. And yet it's actually a more powerful experience because you haven't devalued the currency. Sex is a way of saying to another person, "I belong completely and exclusively and permanently to you," and that's something you can only say in a marriage. When you use sex to say that, it's incredibly valuable and rich.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: cutting off porn has made me feel so much freer and more human than ever before. God designed pleasure, so it has to be within His bounds and terms. Anything apart from His definition is simply destruction and dehumanization covered in sparkles and glitters.



If you're struggling with porn, TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST. Please. Also, check out my good friend, J.S. Park's book, Cutting It Off: Breaking Porn Addiction and How To Quit For Good. You may purchase it in Amazon here.
I highly suggest you watch these videos, too, to learn more about porn and its effects on the brain and society, at large.

Why I Stopped Watching Porn by Ran Gavrieli: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU
The Great Porn Experiment by Gary Wilson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

Be free,
—D