Boy Versus God

There are at least a thousand decisions to make in life, but the toughest and hardest ones are those that require surrender. Those that ask our hands to let go of some things or certain people, because we can only be blinded for too long, or in some cases, fool ourselves so much. It’s that moment when our heart is finally staring at the fork road, and she has no other choice but to decide between two options.

I remember what it’s like staring at my fork road. I had a hundred emotions going through me. My heartbeat’s stuttering was silenced by the deafening voice of the splitting end of the path as it asked, “Which side will you choose?” In hindsight, I couldn’t help but wonder why I allowed it to get to that point; all I knew was that I have already rationalized the irrational. I have justified the unjustifiable. I have excused the inexcusable. I was suddenly confronted by the circumstance where I had to choose who wins—it’s boy versus God.

I know it’s funny to put it this way, but the picture I am painting isn’t unfamiliar. It’s like Van Gogh’s The Starry Night. I’m sure you’ve seen or at least heard of it once in your life—a girl is torn between two.

You might be reading this and you’ve allowed your heart to be the battleground of a lover and The Lover, as you make them wrestle in the pursuit of conquering your heart, whether knowingly or not. What makes this situation laughable is the fact that at the back of our heads, for the most part, we know who’s the unbeatable Champion in this fight, yet our stubborn hearts want to take that chance, that risk, simply because it’s comfortable and it feels good—for some parts.

I’ve seen so many women cry their hearts out as they get lost in the forest of their own decisions, as they keep choosing a boy over God—the compromise, the settling, the repeated internal dialogue of deceptive self-assurance. I know what it feels like. I’ve said it all before, too.

He’s going to change.
I can’t just leave him.

I must help him get closer to God.
He has sexual needs I have to give. It’s not like we’re just fooling around.

God understands me. He’s a God of forgiveness.

I love him.

Yes, sure. These statements may seem true; some are even understandable, but only to a certain extent. When a relationship turns out to be a ground of compromise as we start building our shrine of idolatry on it, that’s when it gets dangerous. When we start making our romantic lives and our spiritual lives fight against each other like brawny boxers in a ring, that’s when the battle between boy and God gets ugly.

Besides, isn’t it like cheating ourselves? We know there’s a gourmet 10-course meal prepared for us, but since there’s a fast food joint right across us, we’d rather settle for a double cheeseburger with upsized Coke and fries for less than 200 bucks. It’s cheap, affordable, and incredibly addictive (it is delicious after all), even when we sure know it’s simply extremely bad for our health. On the other hand, the sit-down meal demands we gussy up and spend more, but at the end of it, it’s an experience absolutely worth our time and efforts.

We have programmed ourselves that the best kind of romance will come from a boy, that we totally miss out on the True Lover of our souls. The One who doesn’t just know the curves of our body or our nitpicky food preferences, the One who doesn’t just know how to make us laugh (the snorting kind)—HE’S THE ONE WHO KNOWS THE VERY DEPTHS OF OUR HEARTS. EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY.

He can satiate our deepest desires and longings. He gives us His full and undivided attention. He wants to love us to the core that the need for a boy’s attention and validation dissipates and vanishes as we come to realize that His outpouring of goodness, grace, and faithfulness is already more than enough. He is the Creator of romance and the total embodiment of Love. In fact, HE IS LOVE. He is the God of the universe and He wants only one thing from you—your heart.

We have to stop romanticizing the struggle and start dealing with the surrender. There’s nothing sweet and romantic about sinking in anxiety as you feel your soul regret hurting God. Then you shake off the remorse and pat yourself on the back with self-pity and deceit. There’s nothing warm and fuzzy about crying in confusion as the boy makes you drift apart from the woman God has destined you to be. We have to realize that the earlier we end the struggle and start the surrender and submission, the better.

Now, I’m not down playing the pain of letting go. It is real, I have felt it. It has shattered my spirit into a many million pieces. But the beauty of brokenness is it allows us to realize how our jabs are too short to reach God, and it gives God space to shine through. Our cracks allow light to trickle in, and in the end creating a band of dancing colors and abstract shapes that has an enchanting, unusual beauty to it.

It’s about time we break up the wrestling because we only hurt ourselves and others in this reasoning game; and let me say the thought you’ve been evading all this time:

A boy who won’t push you closer to grow in the depths of the knowledge and experience of God is simply NOT worth it.

It’s boy versus God. The 12^th round is over. It’s time to declare the winner. This time, there can only be One.

💖 Proverbs 3: 5, 6 💖

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

💖 Psalm 34:18 💖
The Lord is near the brokenhearted  and saves the crushed in spirit.