Repulsive Rebounds
A few days ago, I met a woman who has just been a new
addition to club solo (AKA singlehood). Unfortunately, it was a membership she
was forced to sign up to, after her then-beau broke it off with her via text. I
think she probably overheard me talking about singlehood, Tinder, and dating with
my girlfriend beside me. I noticed she was leaning in, very much obvious that
she wanted to partake in the discussion, so I turned to her and gave her a gist
of our conversation. She asked me how long I’ve been single. “8 years,” I told
her. She almost fell off her chair. “How about you?” I asked her back. “1
month,” she said. “Kailangan ko na mag-Tinder at mag-wawal,” she concluded.
Ahhhhh, the world’s cure to heartache: sex, drinks (maybe even drugs), and rock and roll.
I tried encouraging her by saying that singlehood is such a
wonderful season to be in, that it’s a time to get to know herself and discover
her internal strength as she stands on her own two feet, but she wasn’t having
any of it. “Hindi ko kaya!” she retorts, with the weight of misery in her
voice.
It’s funny because she already embraced it as a truth about
her—hindi niya kaya. She’s never been
single since her early teenage years; I assume she’s never tried being alone on purpose. I wonder how she knew she couldn’t handle singlehood if she’s never
really tried it. Sadly, she has already accepted defeat without even putting up a
fight.
I wonder:
Why are we so afraid of being alone? What’s so wrong with
being alone, anyway?
Some of us are so terrified of singlehood, we’d rather use
someone else as an emotional scratching post, believing the lie that the best
way to move on is to be with someone new—fast. Honestly, I think rebounds are
for insecure, sad, and desperate cowards who have no emotional backbone. It may
sound harsh, but that’s the truth.
I’ve never been a rebound girl, I’ve never allowed myself to
be. I’ve also never sought out a rebound guy after a heartbreak. I just thought
it’d be like picking up a rock and hammering it on my head. I just never really
saw the sense of it, and it seemed like an unjust and unfair move in order for
someone to move on, dragging in an innocent person to her own pool of misery and
self-loathing. I just don’t get it.
I’ve seen people close to me do the rebound move. I’ve seen
them use another person’s body as objects to gratify them, reducing them to
pretty shells they can put around their necks to distract them from the
ugliness of their own reflections. On the other hand, I’ve seen girls be deceived
by over-promising boys who mask their ill-intentions with fake sincerity, only
to be seen as rebounds, while the boys still hold onto the emotional baggage of
their unresolved, past relationships. It’s a shitty situation really, whether
you’re the rebounder or you’re the rebound.
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. This
whole rebound game is a black hole of taking, never really fulfilling the point
of love, which is to give. I’d say
nothing good ever comes from this; it’s a set up bound to crash and burn (unless you happen to fall in love, get married, and have babies with your rebound, that's a different story. Nonetheless, you'll have to go through the untangling of the ugly guilt of having used another person).
I always tell girls to suck it up and woman up after a major
heartbreak. Whether they finally let go of a toxic relationship or they were
left hanging by a douchebag, I always tell them to enjoy singlehood first.
Respect the alone time. Don’t rush jumping into another relationship just for
the sake of having something (even if that something is reminiscent of garbage).
There is beauty and solace in being alone; there is wisdom in getting to know
one’s self fully. Besides, I honestly think people who can’t stand being alone
can’t stand themselves. You only truly enjoy one’s company when you like the
person you’re with.
To the girl seeking for a rebound—
Drop it. Stop the plotting, the searching, and the planning.
You have better things to pursue and you have better stories to tell. You are
strong and brave, even if you can't see it for now. Pick yourself up.
Dust yourself off. No one deserves to be used for your temporary pleasure. No
one deserves that crap. You are better than that. Own your singlehood. Feel the
loneliness. So what if you cry yourself to sleep for weeks? Deal with it. You
have a wealth of family and friends waiting for you to invest your time in
them. Yourself is even waiting for you to invest time in her. Take up classes.
Feed your mind. Seek out your Creator. There are far better things ahead of you
than another short-lived relationship. Remember, lust fades fast. Everything is
permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Heal. Heal alone. Heal with your
tribe. Heal with your God. Discover the beauty of saying yes to yourself and
growing a backbone. You deserve to know you. You deserve to love yourself
enough to be okay with singlehood. You’ll be alright. At the end of it, you’ll
be mighty proud and look back and laugh at the ridiculousness of the thought of
going for a rebound. You’ll go past the finish line alone, without having to use anyone as a crutch, and that, my dear, is a glorious thing.
💖 Psalm 147:3💖
He heals their broken hearts and bandages their wounds.
💖 Psalm 147:3💖
He heals their broken hearts and bandages their wounds.
Hindi 'to basketball, teh.
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