Friends don't kiss on the mouth.
Ahhhh, the all too familiar friendzone. Truth be told, I'm the girl boys love to friendzone. I don't see it as a bad thing anymore, compared to how I saw it as a place of heartache, rejection, and loneliness a few years ago. But by the grace of God, the friendzone has now become a playground of joy and happiness, allowing me to interact and get to know the opposite sex in fun and wholesome ways (no malice allowed!).
Sounds so warm and fuzzy, doesn’t it? I wish this post would end
here, but sadly, some boys are mean and will push you in the sandbox just when
you thought they’re nice kids to play with.
Some boys (let’s not call them men because they aren’t) will turn
the friendzone into dangerzone for us, so I want y’all ladies to listen up.
I’ve taken it upon myself to give you a heads up and protect my sisters (yes,
that’s you), and hopefully we grow more in wisdom and discernment as we learn
from each other’s experiences (and mistakes).
The boys I'm talking about are the ones who aggressively remind us we’re just friends (seriously, you don’t remind your
friend that you’re just friends if you really are just that), and yet emotionally
tickle you and step on some physical boundaries. They’re the ones who love the
label of friendship, but will test the waters to see if they can get certain benefits from you. It
doesn’t have to mean sex, by the way. It could be the cuddles and attention and
your most precious time.
I’ve experienced hanging out
with someone who constantly reminded me I was just his friend. A few dinners
and a couple of bible studies later, he told me he liked me, he was attracted
to me, and that there was “something” between us. Later on, he started
introducing me to people as his “best friend”. I was flattered yet puzzled at the same time, because I actually thought he was going to go for it and date me.
I guess the fact that he confused me was already a red flag, but I was clouded
by the attraction which made my reasoning pretty stupid (simply put, LELS).
You know what made it
confusing? The cheesy, blatantly romantic one-liners he would tell me that
instantly gave me a rush of kilig. The frequent compliments about my physique
and beauty that somehow affirmed and tickled the romantic bone in me. The cuddles
he asked for late at night after our hangouts. The phone calls he gave me the
moment I arrive home from our dinners. All this, only to be followed by
“you’re-just-a-friend” disclaimers that often made me doubt and question my
sanity. Am I looking too deep into this
or is he playing me and leading me on? It soon started to sound like a justification of some sort.
I don’t know about you, but
there shouldn’t be any repetitive disclaimer if something’s crystal clear to
begin with. If a boy pursues a seemingly innocent friendship with you, yet
makes you question if it’s really just that, call him out. If he gives you a
sermon on the friendzone, gets defensive when you ask him what this “something”
is between you two, and unsympathetically berates you about your expectations
only to kiss you on the mouth later that evening, DROP HIM. He’s not a friend.
He’s a boy who wants dating/girlfriend benefits, but doesn’t have the backbone or guts
to back it up with the commitment, the loyalty, and the label. You don’t want
to be with someone indecisive and unstable like that. Friends don’t take
advantage of one another. Unless you’re totally okay with that and the possible
consequences that will ensue, then by all means, go ahead. Just don’t tell me I
didn’t warn you, and don’t call yourself just friends. C’mon, give friendship
some credit.
Women, it’s our
responsibility to guard and protect our hearts. Just as it is also our duty, in
turn, to be careful with how we act, so as to not lead our guy friends on. I had to
learn the hard way and realize that I was giving someone dating benefits without
requiring him to step up and claim the title himself, and that puts me on the
losing end. We should’t act like a girlfriend if we’re just a friend. We
shoudn’t act like a wife if we’re just a girlfriend. There are specific
distinctions in our romantic roles as women. We ought to acknowledge them and play
our part accordingly. No buts, no ifs. There is wisdom in knowing our place in
a man’s life. It shields us from unnecessary heartache and regret. On the other
end, we give boys room to grow and man up; we allow them to reach their
potential as future boyfriends and husbands. We teach them the value of our
standards and we make them work hard to get our worthy love. No shortcuts and
mediocrity. No compromise and crumbs.
Remember, real men will lay
down their intentions and be careful with how they fan the flames of romance.
Real men will ask you your boundaries, respect them, and do everything in their
might to guard them. Real men will strive to meet your standards, if they want
to pursue you and take hold of your heart.
Real men will not toy with your emotions and confuse you with mixed
signals. Real men don’t emotionally bar hop. They don’t need a lot of women on
their list to validate and prove their manhood. Real men will not make it difficult for
you to play your part, because they know exactly how to play theirs, too.
If someone confuses you on
where you stand in that “friendship,” remember:
FRIENDS DON'T KISS ON THE MOUTH.
FRIENDS DON'T KISS ON THE MOUTH.
Huwag na tayo maglokohan mga besh,
—D
Tags:
dikacheapteh
soul
0 comments