A Chilly Christmas (Part 3 of 4)

I have nothing but gratitude for this year's Christmas season. When I look back at 2016, I have been blessed with tremendous opportunities—from publishing our own book, to bagging an award from a prestigious international TV network, to having our own billboard along EDSA, God has definitely opened doors for me and Stacy. But more than the worldly successes, I'm grateful for the spiritual growth God has chiseled me out of, because it has allowed me to see my flaws and areas of improvement as a woman. If I want to be better, then awareness is necessary, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it can get.

This year, God has shone light on the dark parts of my heart—parts I thought I have already accepted and mastered. The bible says we should humble ourselves before the Lord so He can lift us up (James 4:6). And humble me He did. The Lord tested my mastery over something I've been so vocal about, and wow, what a struggle it was.

How do we know if we have patience? God puts us in a situation where we have the choice to allow it to run thin, or allow Him to work out our fruit from inside out. I say I'm for purity and valuing my worth, and that's exactly where God tested me.

I'd say I passed my test, but if the passing grade is 75, that's just exactly what I got. I cried my heart out to my sister as I felt the condemnation of failure creep in. It totally humbled me. 

Think about a person who thinks it's so easy to be a contestant in a game show, and she gets all the answers right as she blurts them out in front of the TV screen. But when she's there, in the middle of the lights, camera, and people, everything changes. She realizes she isn't much of a genius anymore, because things change drastically when you are actually the person playing the game.

Sometimes, a woman's tears isn't welling out from a heartbreak; sometimes, it's grieving for herself the possibility that she could have done better with her "if onlys".  When I cried out to my twin, those tears were for me, not for anyone else.

As I forgave myself for almost allowing someone to make me doubt my worth, I am picking myself up with dignity and grace. It matters to me because it took me years to find out my absolute value, acknowledge it, believe it, and live it out. What hurt the most is that I almost allowed someone to take all those years away from me. I praise God it stopped at the right time, but still, I felt shaken when it was over.

A friend sent me this, and I couldn't agree more.

2017 RESOLUTION: DON'T LET SOMEONE TAKE UP EMOTIONAL REAL ESTATE IF THEY AREN'T PAYING RENT.

This just ultimately means that you know what you can offer, and you demand to be treated with respect because you deserve it. It's not about being selfish, it's about knowing your worth and valuing your dignity.

As I reclaim my crown from my one and only King, I count my blessings and thank the people who have helped me fluff the clouds away—my family and friends who have rebuked me in love and breathed life into me as I pick up my crown and put it back on.

Christmas is a good reminder that God sent us His Son for a reason, and that is so we may live life to the full. His kind of full. I'm choosing to learn from this, and I'm stepping on the brakes while it's still early. It's never too late to make U-turn and choose the right path. This is the beauty of Christ's birth. We can always come running back to His arms no matter how many times we stumble and fall, and this is the truest meaning of agape. Not that we abuse it, but we allow His love and grace to empower us so we move forward with perseverance and hope. 

What I wore:

Marks and Spencer winter vest

Hue Manila shoes

We're engaged! CHAR!

💖John 1:14💖