The Wisdom of My 2016
The first half of the year, I was completely lax, and although we were working on a book, I made it a justification to let go of other aspects of my life—my health, my spiritual disciplines, my creativity. My bad habits were still onto me like ants on a pie and I was struggling to shake them off. It was only when Stacy committed to a lifestyle change that I was also forced to level up in terms of my wellness and nutrition, and once that stabilized, everything else followed.
When I became an author, I let go of being sloppy. I don't know why, but being changed my doing. Isn't that how it should be? Identity first, and then behavior next.
After the grind that came with publishing a book, our modelling career took off when a big department store got us to represent their plus size line. I still can't believe it, our own billboard along EDSA. My career journey has climbed so high this 2016 with all the collaborations and opportunities, and when I look back, I still am in awe of God's gracious providence that allowed me to accomplish so much.
But the true wisdom of my 2016 isn't about these things. Sure, the trek to these successes may have taught me a lot about the value of hard work and prayer, but as much as these sound so insightful and beautiful, this isn't the highlight of my year.
The truest wisdom of my 2016 is fighting to live out the principles I preach myself. It's about saying No, no matter how much the Yes seems so alluring and pleasurable. It's about learning to refuse to something because I know it would entail shortchanging myself. It's about setting boundaries, no matter how late it already is, because I still believe I deserve better, and I'm not letting go of that truth. It's not having to explain myself why I'm cutting people off, after giving them countless benefits of the doubt. It's about demanding for what I deserve, because I will not settle for crumbs.
The thing my mentor pointed out to me is that when I welcome someone into my life, I do it with arms wide open and so much heart. I drop everything. I show you around the avenues of my life—people included. I sometimes forget that wisdom is still gained through decisions put to action, and that discernment is very much different from it. Wisdom is having good judgment that will result not to a trouble-free reality, but a more peaceful one. Discernment is simply the ability to make them.
If I'm going to talk about the hardest yet most necessary lesson I learned this 2016, it's this:
It's about allowing time to do its job and let certain things unfold naturally. It's about pacing my excitement about something, because just because it's dandy and new doesn't mean there aren't going to be ugly parts. The ugly parts surprised me, but they also sobered me. It's about having the courage and audacity to ask someone the definition of what I am in their life, because ultimately, I won't allow a gray area to take over things I value—my affections, my time, my friendship. It's about acknowledging the red flags, no matter how high I was in my emotions, because I know that feelings, no matter how strong, aren't always necessarily true. It's about being honest with someone, despite them using it all against me, because honesty isn't cheap but I can afford it. It's about loving certain people from afar, because I know full well that I am not obliged to emotionally lift them up, especially if they don't choose to help themselves. I can only do so much. It's about apologizing and owning up to my mistakes, because I know it takes two to tango, but I will not be a mere means to an end. I refuse to be used as a disposable crutch, because I am so much more than that.
It's about not allowing someone to play tug-o'-war on my heartstrings, simply because they are going through a difficult road in their life. It may be a good enough reason, but it isn't a good enough excuse. It's about listening to people who love me, swallowing my pride, and letting the sharpness of their words cut through me. One, because that's how surgeries begin, and two, because that's how healing takes place. It's about giving people chances, but also knowing when to stop, simply because you respect your sanity enough.
Overall, it's keeping my commitment to myself—the non-negotiables—no matter how tempted I am to give in to something. It's reminding myself the absolute, immeasurable value I have in Christ, and knowing that God can author the stories I want to unfold in my life, simply because He has the hourglass of time in the palm of His hands. It's taking the same test over and over, because God didn't raise a quitter, and we both know I can pass it if only I let go of my distractions. It's trusting God, choosing God, and loving God, no matter how many times I stumble and fall, because His redemption in my life isn't going to come from my own doing or my own effort. It comes His goodness and grace, and from His ultimate desire that I live life freely, to the full.
I keep using the #WOMANUP2017 in my posts lately. That's exactly what I'll do. It's time to put on my big girl undies and woman up as I prepare to weather through the sunny and rainy days of the new year ahead.
💟 Proverbs 3:15 💟
Woman up with me,
—D 👑
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soul
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