I’ve been experiencing something new in my life and I’ve embraced it with open arms—something I’ve always prayed for; something I’ve always desired. But when boundaries are blurred and certain standards are put at risk, we are required to take a step back from the beautiful madness, fan out the haze, and blink our eyes to clarity to see what’s really there. Reality check—it’s always necessary. It may not be comfortable, but it's necessary.
The heart is deceitful, for sure it is. When our emotions are heightened and our senses are tingling, it’s so easy to find ourselves in a gray area that feels good, but isn’t necessarily wise. The bible says that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial, and I totally agree. But with the whirlwind of recent events in my life, I’ve unconsciously zoned in on the permissible, and totally forgot about the beneficial.
The heart is deceitful, for sure it is. When our emotions are heightened and our senses are tingling, it’s so easy to find ourselves in a gray area that feels good, but isn’t necessarily wise. The bible says that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial, and I totally agree. But with the whirlwind of recent events in my life, I’ve unconsciously zoned in on the permissible, and totally forgot about the beneficial.
I had to run back to my Father who knows exactly where my heart is. Isn’t it funny that we, as humans, often fool ourselves into thinking we’re alright, that we’re so sure of what we want? It's arrogance under the guise of self-knowledge. I promised myself to make things right should this experience present itself to me, and now that it’s happening, I let my guards down and throw my convictions out the window.
It takes two to tango, but when the dance makes you stumble and trip, maybe it’s time to loosen your grip, catch your breath, and rest for a bit.
I am learning so much about my womanhood as I go through this season of my life, and I am so glad that God has given me the clarity I needed and prayed for. When the smoke dissipates, we finally see the mess in the room, and it’s a signal that it’s time to clean up.
Am I afraid to obey? Yes. I do not know if I get to experience this again. It’s been 8 years since.
But the good is always the enemy of the best. It’s been good, but it hasn’t been the best.
Am I at peace? Absolutely. It feels fucking amazing to choose God, to choose me, and to allow my womanhood to blossom as I learn from my mistakes. Sometimes, saying no means saying yes to yourself. It’s choosing to walk away from the gray area, no matter how tempting its promise for pleasure is, because you know you deserve more than just the feel-good bits of it. What you need is the promise of exclusivity, not because you’re selfish, but because you’re worth it.
But the good is always the enemy of the best. It’s been good, but it hasn’t been the best.
Am I at peace? Absolutely. It feels fucking amazing to choose God, to choose me, and to allow my womanhood to blossom as I learn from my mistakes. Sometimes, saying no means saying yes to yourself. It’s choosing to walk away from the gray area, no matter how tempting its promise for pleasure is, because you know you deserve more than just the feel-good bits of it. What you need is the promise of exclusivity, not because you’re selfish, but because you’re worth it.
Queens fall sometimes, but we can always stand tall, pick up our crowns, and put it back on.
Proverbs 4:23 💛
When you realize your truest value and worth, there's no turning back. You don't settle for less. You don't beg people to stay or try to convince them to accept you. The world is too big and you have too much to offer. It's okay to be picky with who you let in, simply because you aren't afraid to sleep alone. —D
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